#'s 4-1

Oh, good morning, blog! I seem to have abandoned you in the basement, tied to a smoldering radiator for three months. My bad!

Let's wrap this shit up. Spoilers ahoy!

#4:

You want a fun adventure story? You want science fiction, in the traditional sense? You want terrifying, incest-based life lessons? Look no further, dear readers.

"Y'know... in 29 years, you're gonna buy me these underpants..."

Back to the Future, to me, is one of the purest examples of a totally complete film that I can conjure. It is a nearly perfectly executed story, balancing actual pathos with ridiculous adventure and fantastically practical special effects. One of the things that I love most about it is that, despite it's summer blockbuster status, this is not an action movie. Aside from the occasional confrontation with Libyan terrorists, there's not a whole lotta Pow Bam Boom going on.

Plenty of Biff, though.

Thanks to it's incredible score, however, it always feels like one. Alan Silvestri must have found whatever sorcerous medallion that John Williams unearthed years earlier, because he produced one of the most enduring bits of movie music in history. You're probably humming it to yourself now. Don't be ashamed.

The story is wonderfully simple, fulfilling the double-edged wish of all teenagers to meet their parents when they were our age. To find that they are human, neither infallible robots nor tyrannical oppressors. Combine that with old school adventure in the classic style, a genuinely gripping character arc and a show stopping musical number and you've got one of the definitive movies of our generation.

Plus, who doesn't love crazy scientist Christopher Lloyd, all silly and scatterbrained with his wild hairdo--

ooOOOO! Christ god! Stop doing that, dude!

Best Moment: 

Fuck roads.

#3:

Another chick movie?! That's it! I'm turning in my penis downtown.

And yet, it's more than that. It is the only sports movie that I've ever been able to give a shit about.

Well... one of two.

The characters are so perfectly defined right from the outset that it's an effortless task to follow and cheer for them from the word go. In addition, it's an underdog story in which EVERY CHARACTER ON SCREEN is the underdog, thereby allowing you to root for everybody all the time.

Dammit, movie! Stop making me love Madonna!

With all of that framework it's almost an unfair movie as it is. Just to knock it out of the park, though (you see what I did there?), the filmmakers decided to front load this movie with as many brilliant actors as could fit in their unmarked white van.

Pictured: One of the great, inspiring actresses of our generation, and Gena Davis.

A pitch perfect (that's two!) period piece, this movie dugout (what?) all the stops to have me root, root, rooting for the home team every time (someone kill me).

Best Moment:

Tom Hanks, shaking violently, trying not to murder a woman.

#2:

Ok, I'm gonna level with you. It's taken me months to get around to finishing this blog and, honestly, if you don't know why this movie is great I'm not sure what I can do for you. Those of you whose hearts are not lifted and swelled with hope and joy by the end of this masterpiece, I'll direct you to my colleague, who would like a few words.

Seriously, how did Starship Troopers not make it on this list?

Best Moment:

"No thanks. Gave up drinking."

Yes, Andy.

And now, ladies and gentlemen... the least surprising surprise that you will ever experience!

#1:

Shocker.

But listen, this is a personal list, and to this day there is no motion picture experience I've ever had that has equaled the mad joy associated with this movie. Certainly, at the tender age of 11, my feeble brain could not comprehend the reasons why Star Wars was film perfection, but of course, that is part of it's genius. Fortunately for all of us, I have now developed into a well-rounded, intelligent man of the world, with extensive faculties to devote to the examination of this movie about magic space druids.

I... nope. I was gonna make a joke, but now I've just got chills.

As many great film scholars, and anyone who's ever walked by a community college Into to Movies, have observed, A New Hope's story is of a classic design: The young hero, called by destiny to defeat a great evil; the wizened sage, guiding our hero through his trials; the princess, defiant in the face of death; the charming rogue, his true allegiance unknown; the hideous bear monster. It's all the traditional stuff.

Defiant like a motherfucker.

But one of the things that I've learned about myself of late is that I really don't mind if creators use archetypes in telling their stories. What matters to me is how it's presented, and it's here that Star Wars is flawless. 

This is not traditional science fiction, or even traditional fantasy. The purpose of the film is not to introduce you to the rules and intricacies of this strange new world. Rather, Star Wars introduces us to a cast of characters first, characters with whom we can identify with and admire, and then proceeds to tell their story, with the world filling in the cracks around them. There is no 20 minute info-dump about the state of politics in the Galactic Empire. We get a title crawl to catch us up, and then we're off and running....

 ... away from a giant spaceship of horrors!

From that first iconic shot, this film is expertly paced. The plot flows so organically from the characters and their reactions to new obstacles and information that by the time we get to the daring Death Star run I have to pause and marvel at the economy with which the filmmakers have taken this whiny douche-nozzle from Tatooine and transformed him into the hero of the Rebellion. And yet, it's such a nuanced and realistic transformation that we almost don't even notice it.

Still has to sit in the back with Grandpa, though.

Talking about the cast is almost pointless, suffice it to say that here lies the canonical example of a perfect storm. Actors, old and new, brought together with an inherent chemistry that no mere director could have created alone.

And of course, there's this guy...

Perhaps the perfect archetypal villain, Vader's smooth and sinister voice, coupled with his take-no-bullshit attitude, makes him an imposing force of nature (no pun intended). Even without the knowledge of his familial relationships, the incredible image of the dark master of the Force choking insolent bitches can never be wiped from our collective memory... no matter how hard they try.

God

Fucking

DAMMIT!

The greatest adventure captured on film. Plain and simple. And if you lack the faith... I'm afraid I'll find that disturbing.

"Say 'midichloreans' again, asshole."

Best Moment:

YEEHOO!

Well gang, that's it! My favorite 20 movies, and it only took me a semester to finish it. Hopefully I'll be posting more of my nonsensical ramblings up here now, so please stop by again!