#'s 4-1

Oh, good morning, blog! I seem to have abandoned you in the basement, tied to a smoldering radiator for three months. My bad!

Let's wrap this shit up. Spoilers ahoy!

#4:

You want a fun adventure story? You want science fiction, in the traditional sense? You want terrifying, incest-based life lessons? Look no further, dear readers.

"Y'know... in 29 years, you're gonna buy me these underpants..."

Back to the Future, to me, is one of the purest examples of a totally complete film that I can conjure. It is a nearly perfectly executed story, balancing actual pathos with ridiculous adventure and fantastically practical special effects. One of the things that I love most about it is that, despite it's summer blockbuster status, this is not an action movie. Aside from the occasional confrontation with Libyan terrorists, there's not a whole lotta Pow Bam Boom going on.

Plenty of Biff, though.

Thanks to it's incredible score, however, it always feels like one. Alan Silvestri must have found whatever sorcerous medallion that John Williams unearthed years earlier, because he produced one of the most enduring bits of movie music in history. You're probably humming it to yourself now. Don't be ashamed.

The story is wonderfully simple, fulfilling the double-edged wish of all teenagers to meet their parents when they were our age. To find that they are human, neither infallible robots nor tyrannical oppressors. Combine that with old school adventure in the classic style, a genuinely gripping character arc and a show stopping musical number and you've got one of the definitive movies of our generation.

Plus, who doesn't love crazy scientist Christopher Lloyd, all silly and scatterbrained with his wild hairdo--

ooOOOO! Christ god! Stop doing that, dude!

Best Moment: 

Fuck roads.

#3:

Another chick movie?! That's it! I'm turning in my penis downtown.

And yet, it's more than that. It is the only sports movie that I've ever been able to give a shit about.

Well... one of two.

The characters are so perfectly defined right from the outset that it's an effortless task to follow and cheer for them from the word go. In addition, it's an underdog story in which EVERY CHARACTER ON SCREEN is the underdog, thereby allowing you to root for everybody all the time.

Dammit, movie! Stop making me love Madonna!

With all of that framework it's almost an unfair movie as it is. Just to knock it out of the park, though (you see what I did there?), the filmmakers decided to front load this movie with as many brilliant actors as could fit in their unmarked white van.

Pictured: One of the great, inspiring actresses of our generation, and Gena Davis.

A pitch perfect (that's two!) period piece, this movie dugout (what?) all the stops to have me root, root, rooting for the home team every time (someone kill me).

Best Moment:

Tom Hanks, shaking violently, trying not to murder a woman.

#2:

Ok, I'm gonna level with you. It's taken me months to get around to finishing this blog and, honestly, if you don't know why this movie is great I'm not sure what I can do for you. Those of you whose hearts are not lifted and swelled with hope and joy by the end of this masterpiece, I'll direct you to my colleague, who would like a few words.

Seriously, how did Starship Troopers not make it on this list?

Best Moment:

"No thanks. Gave up drinking."

Yes, Andy.

And now, ladies and gentlemen... the least surprising surprise that you will ever experience!

#1:

Shocker.

But listen, this is a personal list, and to this day there is no motion picture experience I've ever had that has equaled the mad joy associated with this movie. Certainly, at the tender age of 11, my feeble brain could not comprehend the reasons why Star Wars was film perfection, but of course, that is part of it's genius. Fortunately for all of us, I have now developed into a well-rounded, intelligent man of the world, with extensive faculties to devote to the examination of this movie about magic space druids.

I... nope. I was gonna make a joke, but now I've just got chills.

As many great film scholars, and anyone who's ever walked by a community college Into to Movies, have observed, A New Hope's story is of a classic design: The young hero, called by destiny to defeat a great evil; the wizened sage, guiding our hero through his trials; the princess, defiant in the face of death; the charming rogue, his true allegiance unknown; the hideous bear monster. It's all the traditional stuff.

Defiant like a motherfucker.

But one of the things that I've learned about myself of late is that I really don't mind if creators use archetypes in telling their stories. What matters to me is how it's presented, and it's here that Star Wars is flawless. 

This is not traditional science fiction, or even traditional fantasy. The purpose of the film is not to introduce you to the rules and intricacies of this strange new world. Rather, Star Wars introduces us to a cast of characters first, characters with whom we can identify with and admire, and then proceeds to tell their story, with the world filling in the cracks around them. There is no 20 minute info-dump about the state of politics in the Galactic Empire. We get a title crawl to catch us up, and then we're off and running....

 ... away from a giant spaceship of horrors!

From that first iconic shot, this film is expertly paced. The plot flows so organically from the characters and their reactions to new obstacles and information that by the time we get to the daring Death Star run I have to pause and marvel at the economy with which the filmmakers have taken this whiny douche-nozzle from Tatooine and transformed him into the hero of the Rebellion. And yet, it's such a nuanced and realistic transformation that we almost don't even notice it.

Still has to sit in the back with Grandpa, though.

Talking about the cast is almost pointless, suffice it to say that here lies the canonical example of a perfect storm. Actors, old and new, brought together with an inherent chemistry that no mere director could have created alone.

And of course, there's this guy...

Perhaps the perfect archetypal villain, Vader's smooth and sinister voice, coupled with his take-no-bullshit attitude, makes him an imposing force of nature (no pun intended). Even without the knowledge of his familial relationships, the incredible image of the dark master of the Force choking insolent bitches can never be wiped from our collective memory... no matter how hard they try.

God

Fucking

DAMMIT!

The greatest adventure captured on film. Plain and simple. And if you lack the faith... I'm afraid I'll find that disturbing.

"Say 'midichloreans' again, asshole."

Best Moment:

YEEHOO!

Well gang, that's it! My favorite 20 movies, and it only took me a semester to finish it. Hopefully I'll be posting more of my nonsensical ramblings up here now, so please stop by again!

#'s 7-5

No, YOU'RE horrifically delayed! Let us plunge deeper into my Top 20 Movies of Ever!

But dudes, for reals though: SPOILERS! Especially the first two. Be careful. 

#7:

I’m betting that the majority of people reading this have seen at least a little bit of Firefly, whether it was against your will or not. Some nerd in your life duct taped you to a chair and Clockwork Oranged you through at least one episode, touting it as the greatest thing since 8mm. This is the effect that this show has on those whose vibrational patterns it syncs with: mad, zealotous devotion, like-unto a religion.

It is easy to see why

Part of the reason for this is that the show kind of caught many folks off-guard. It was a program populated with astoundingly likeable and talented actors, tastefully produced, intelligently written and lovingly crafted. It was a show that effortlessly built its’ own world and asked you to come along for the ride. And we did. Until it was cancelled.

That's cool. We'll just stand around posing until you call us.

The story goes that, after the show ended, series creator Joss Whedon beat down every door in Hollywood, begging and fighting for the chance to finish his story. When he finally got it, he and his cast and crew had quite a task ahead of them: Live up to the expectations. Years after the series was cancelled, this movie needed to find a way to appease both longtime fans yet remain accessible to new viewers. It needed to conclude the epic tale that Joss began on the small screen in a powerful, satisfying way, while standing as a movie in its’ own right.

And it did.

Big Damn Heroes

In the first 20 minutes we’re brought up to speed on the entire universe, introduced to the entire cast (in an amazingly artful single shot) and provided two action sequences to get the blood pumping. What follows is the antithesis of most films made from TV shows: a movie with a real story to tell, real characters to follow and care about, and real growth and change throughout. 

 From crazy...

 ... to SUPER crazy...

... to slightly less crazy.

We watch as the events of this film force the people before us to grow and evolve, and by the end we feel as if we’ve been on a journey with them. All through the simple (and by simple I mean incredibly difficult) technique of letting us feel like we're simply observers, rather than viewers of a performance. To make the world feel real and lived in. 

To make it a home.

Best Moment: 

I am a leaf on the wind... watch how I--

DIE HORRIBLY TO ESTABLISH THE STAKES!

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#6: 

Batman is pretty great. I feel like we can all agree on this. And one of the greatest things about Batman is that he is an infinitely adaptable creation. His core character and motivations are so strong that you can tell nearly any type of story with him, in nearly any tone, and it still feels authentic.

 See here...

... here...

... and especially here.

So it was a bit of a surprise to me, as I entered the theater at midnight in 2008 (on a Thursday, no less) to see the Dark Knight, that I couldn’t think of another example of a Batman Thriller. I was hopeful that this movie would be a strong and faithful adaptation of a great character, as Christopher Nolan had yet to make a bad movie.

 Yet.

What we got was a superb psychological thriller that happened to have Batman in it.

This movie works because it’s a superhero movie second. The film stands on its own as a story about three men, determined to rid their city of corruption, and what that determination does to each of them. One man, determined to stand as an unbending icon of morality, is eventually driven to madness. 

 Oh, I dunno. He looks pretty stable to me--

 GAH! I mean, ugh! I mean... hey! Lookin' good... guy...

Another learns that he must live within the same grey area occupied by those he’s fighting against if he is to make a difference. 

Still shocked that Gary Oldman gives the understated performance in a movie...

The last, a crusader who uses the criminals’ own weapons against them, must face the repercussions of his war on evil, as he is confronted with his perfect opposite, just as devoted to chaos as he is to order.

 "You look ridiculous."

This is an epic story, delving deep into the psyche of people who choose to stand up to oppression and terror. This is a poignant commentary on what society does to our heroes. This could be a Scorsese movie. And it has Batman in it.

How lucky are we?

Best Moment: 

Awkward...

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#5: 

As we bust into my top 5, we’re bound to run into a few dark horses. The truth of the matter is, I don’t think that this is one of the greatest films of all time. What it is, however, is one of my favorite movies, because it’s a perfect example of a movie that transports us. 

 Let's get nice and transported, gang

This film has no real narrative structure to speak of. It’s simply the story of a day and night in the lives of a bunch of stoner kids in high school, living in the direct asshole of nowhere. It’s about how they pass the time. It’s about the strange rituals they engage in, really because there’s nothing better to do.

Oh, wasn't your high school like this?

It’s about that odd way in which relationships form when you’re a young person, congealing naturally and without actual effort. It’s about nothing, and that, somehow, speaks volumes.

 These guys are probably senators by now

I’ll tell you what it’s not, though. It’s not cynical. It’s not angst-ridden. Director/writer Richard Linklater wasn’t out to create a tortured look at the horrors of suburban youth.

 Affleck notwithstanding

He was out to create an experience, to approximate how it feels to hang out with your friends, when the whole world lies before you, without an ounce of responsibility, and just enjoy yourself one night at a time.

 While opining on the virtues of statutory rape

 Best Moment: The first two shots of the movie.

Sweeeeeeeeet....

... emoooooooooooootion.

Coming up: More of this stuff!